Get ready to laugh with our collection of over 70 funny quotes about getting older! Though aging can be daunting, it’s important to keep a sense of humor about ourselves and the world around us.
Whether you’re approaching a birthday milestone, or just in need of a good old chuckle, these funny quotes about age are sure to put a smile on your face.
Share your favorite funny quotes about aging and growing old with your loved ones – whatever their age! Laughter is the best medicine, so please share these funny quotes on Pinterest or your favorite social media channel.
Funny Quotes About Getting Older
1. “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” – George Burns
2. “Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
3. “Growing old is compulsory – growing up is optional.” – Bob Monkhouse
4. “Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too.” – Lionel Kauffman
5. “At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for.” – Unknown
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6. “Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
7. “Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.” – John Wagner
8. “Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.” – George Burns
9. “I want to die young at a ripe old age.” – Ashley Montagu
10. “Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” – Kitty O’Neill Collins
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11. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” – George Burns
12. “Aging is an inevitable process. I surely wouldn’t want to grow younger. The older you become the more you know. Your bank account of knowledge is much richer.” – William M Holden
13. “It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” – Andy Rooney
14. “I’m growing older and I’m glowing more than and more.” – Unknown
15. “The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible.” – Judith Regan
16. “I remember being able to get up without making sound effects…” – Unknown
17. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
18. “Where does it say we have to ‘act’ our age? As long as it makes me happy and I’m not hurting anyone, I will act whatever age I want to!” – Unknown
19. “At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” – Ann Landers
20. “By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” – George Burns
21. “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” – Bob Hope
22. “Old age comes at a bad time.” – San Banducci
23. “Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
24. “I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.” – Andy Ronney
25. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen
26. “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” – Tom Wilson
27. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” – Billie Burke
28. “Some guy said to me: ‘Don’t you think you’re too old to sing rock n roll?’ I said: ‘You’d better check with Mick Jagger.’” – Cher
29. “First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” – Leo Rosenberg
30. “Age is just a number that changes depending on who’s asking.” – Unknown
31. “Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.” – George Burns
32. “There is still no cure for the common birthday.” – John Glenn
33. “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.” – Adolph Zukor
34. “At my age I’ve heard it all; I’ve seen it all; and I’ve done it all. I just can’t remember it all.” – Unknown
35. “Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.” – Jim Fiebig
36. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen
37. “The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good spit it out.” – Unknown
38. “Middle age is when a guy starts turning off lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.” – Eli Cass
39. “I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.” – George Burns
40. “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” – Larry Lorenzoni
41. “As I grow older and wiser, I’ve begun to understand how little I understand.” – Unknown
42. “Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” – Unknown
43. “You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” – George Bernard Shaw
44. “Age is not how old you are but how many years of fun you’ve had.” – Matt Maldre
45. “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” – Larry Lorenzoni
46. “Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” – Mark Twain
47. “One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young.” – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
48. “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” – Theodore Roosevelt
49. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” – Luis Buñuel
50. “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.” – Mark Twain
51. “Few people know how to be old.” – François de la Rochefoucauld
52. “The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.” – Doris Day
53. “No one is so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.” – Henry David Thoreau
54. “Age puzzles me. I thought it was a quiet time. My seventies were interesting and fairly serene, but my eighties are passionate. I grow more intense as I age.” – Florida Scott-Maxwell
55. “Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.” – Anonymous
56. “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard
57. “Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.” –Victor Hugo
58. “You know you’re getting older when your childhood toys are now collectibles and antiques.” – Unknown
59. “I don’t do drink or drugs. At my age, I get the same effect just standing up too fast.” – Unknown
60. “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom
61. “There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” – Sophia Loren
62. “Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
63. “Where does it say we have to act our age? As long as it makes me happy and I’m not hurting anyone, I will act whatever age I want to.” – Unknown
64. “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be. The last of life, for which the first was made.” – Robert Browning
65. “You’re only as old as you feel.” – Unknown
66. “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” – Unknown
67. “I’ve reached the age where my brain went from “You probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s see what happens.” – Unknown
68. “We’ve put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy it.” – Frank Howard Clark
69. “You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” – Ogden Nash
70. “Age is a high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard
71. “I don’t let my age define me but the side-effects are getting harder to ignore.” – Unknown
72. “People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” – George Burns
73. “Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips.” – John Wagner
74. “Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” – Ogden Nash
75. “Age to me means nothing. I can’t get old; I’m working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you’re working, you stay young. When I’m in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.” – George Burns
76. “It is better to wear out than to rust out.” – Bishop Richard Cumberland
Holly Jaskolka is a certified Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) practitioner, yoga instructor, and an impassioned advocate for holistic well-being. Fueled by her love for animals and wanderlust, Holly leads a plant-based lifestyle that she complements with immersive travel experiences. When she’s not jet-setting to uncover the world’s hidden gems, she’s empowering individuals to heal emotionally, particularly those grappling with the aftermath of breakups. Connect with Holly on LinkedIn.
